Values mismatch

Listening to peoples’ stories for over 20 years, one picks up on the important themes that consistently arise. These are the areas that need addressing as part of a full programme to overcome chronic pain. One such theme is the values mismatch.

Values mismatch

Put simply, a values mismatch is when our deepest held beliefs about ourselves and the world are at odds with the value system in which you find yourself. Arguably the most common context for a values mismatch is when the individual’s values do not fit with those of the workplace. A further example can be when a person’s values evolve so that a difference exists between the new values and those held by the family or close network.

As an illustration, trust is the value at odds. With trust being of inherent importance to the person, when the work environment is driven by high levels of competitiveness, the so-called dog eat dog culture, underhand methods can be rife and accepted by the company. This fear based approach causes great suffering. Continuously looking over one’s shoulder is unhealthy and unsustainable. For the person who holds the value of trust to be dear, this can drive a more consistent state of protect. Further to this is the impact upon health and the sense of well-being.

Values mismatch and suffering

The mismatch can affect us deeply as we either try to fit in or somehow rebel against the culture. Both require effort. Add this to the energy cost of being in a sustained state of survival, and one can begin to see how health can be affected. How many people who suffer burnout would tell you that they hated their work? Scratch beneath the surface and you usually discover that it started well. With time they became ground down by the demands, the attitudes and behaviours. We are not separate from the environment, nor the other people who we are surrounded by, and hence the ‘toxic’ place affects our health. Even just thinking about the place or certain people there cause a feeling of discomfort or anxiety.

When we are in survive mode for sustained periods of time it potentially affects many body systems. The systems that protect us are looking out for danger and the feel of our body and self is just that. We feel on edge, uncomfortable, tense, anxious and this tells us that threats are about. They may or may not be, yet this is what we feel. Our body is saying there is danger when in fact there is no actual threat. The systems work on a just in case basis. With protect state ‘on’ consistently, everything appears to be dangerous. Now, every little prompt or cue stokes the fire: watching the news, reading social media, the look someone gives you etc. How you consciously interpret these things and how your body systems alert you has changed.

“Our body is saying that there is danger when there is no actual threat. This is a habit that can change

The common manifestations in terms of health include chronic pain, fibromyalgia, fatigue, poor sleep, irritable bowel syndrome, headaches, migraines, struggling to recover from an illness or injury, jaw pain, anxiety, depression, poor concentration and memory, feelings of isolation and despair, and a great deal of suffering.

This does not need to continue. You can change course by understanding why this has happened, addressing the reasons and creating a new way forward. We are designed to learn and change, and with a new moments continuously unfolding, we have enormous potential to succeed with the right thinking and right actions. Writing down our values helps to clarify what is important to us. From there we can see how any mismatch maybe affecting us. Then we can seek to understand how we can best go about achieving alignment with our values. This would form part of a programme of training, coaching and treatment so that you can achieve your best by focusing on your strengths.

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