The inner dialogue ~ what do you listen to and what do you tell yourself?
One of the things that makes us human is the inner dialogue or inner voice that is fairly continuously ‘speaking’ to us. Of course the voice is part of each and everyone of us and is not an outside agent. To some people it can appear to be coming from somewhere or someone else as in the case of psychiatric disorders. That must be frightening.
The inner dialogue is part of the workings of our mind. Our minds play a significant role in our actions and perceptions but it is not a one way street. The physicality of our existence can impact upon the way in which we think. The branch of philosophy named embodied cognition has much to say on this matter, addressing the notion that our thinking is embodied. A simple example is when thinking about hunger and food, we would typically feel that in our body, interpreting the sensations as being in need of food. A further example is the way we gesture with our hands to demonstrate a point, freeing up resources for further thinking. Consider how you feel when you think of a loved one or a difficult situation in the past — where do you experience it? Certainly not ‘in the head’.
There is a skill in choosing whether to listen to and act upon our inner dialogue or our thinking. It is true that we do not choose the workings of our mind, however we can learn about how it works, our habits of thought and realise how we embody these thoughts. In so doing, we have the opportunity and responsibility to become increasingly skilful in deciding whether to pay attention or to let go of thoughts and the inner dialogue. Being mindful is just that. We are aware of the thoughts, noticing their impermanence, recurrent nature, the way they create feelings in the body, but we are not engaging or becoming embroiled. There is a monumental difference between being in the film and watching the film. You are still experiencing the full richness of the feelings and emotions but with curiosity, with compassion and with an intent to only act with kindness, towards self and others.
Learning to be observant of the inner dialogue allows you to make choices. We have choices and often need to realise them. How am I choosing to feel or think about a particular situation? Even asking yourself that question gives you space to decide what you can do. Shifting the thinking to take another perspective can give a very different feel to the experience. Knowing that you can do this is very empowering, as you know that you can face challenges with skill and insight.
The story we tell ourselves can be so impacting upon our reality, lived experiences and ultimately our health and sense of well-being. If you persistently tell yourself that you are not good enough, have not tried hard enough or blame yourself for all sorts of things that may not actually be your fault, this will create a range of unpleasant feelings in the body as well as paint a bleak picture of life. Being hard on oneself causes our protect systems to switch into action. A range of common ailments manifest if these systems are ‘on’ too much without adequate refresh and renew time. Such problems include chronic aches and pains, sleep disturbance, gut issues, mood variance and exhaustion; very common presentations in my clinic. This need not be the case by learning some simple skills of well-being and day to day practices that stoke up our healthy systems. This is the bulk of the work we do to overcome pain and health problems — see here.
The inner dialogue and pain
The inner dialogue can tell us our story; the story of me. The self that I experience moment to moment, which is continually updating. Our implicit ability to change creates great hope as we can transform our suffering by gaining knowledge and insight into our existing habits. From this awareness we can choose to create new habits that are based upon our value system (what is important to you in life) and are by design all about sustainably living a meaningful life.
Many people with chronic pain have received messages that suggest pain must be managed or that they must just cope. This lowers expectations and hence our story and the inner dialogue is based on this belief. We can and must do better. Changing our story, and this is applicable to any story we tell ourselves, creates a new way onward. This begins with understanding pain. Countless people have told me how much better they feel on starting to understand their pain when we discuss their experiences at the first meeting. There is no magic here. We feel better when we have understanding of a problem and insight into how we can address the issues — feelings of agency, choice and empowerment feed and motivate us to take action; the right action. The Pain Coach Programme is all about the right action based on the right thinking. Understand your pain, write and see a new story and then live it. This is the story of your success, whether it be overcoming pain, setting up a business, writing an essay, doing an exam or playing a game of football. Use the story wisely, make it count and use every moment in a way that encourages and motivates more and more great action.
The Pain Coach Programme is a blend of strengths based coaching and pain sciences for your to achieve your success | t. 07518 445493