Pain and the perfectionist could be a title of a book in which the character suffers on-going pain, seeking to conquer himself using his perfectionist traits. I know of no such book, but I do know that a significant number of people who I see with chronic pain are perfectionists.
Like most things though, it is how you look at it that makes the difference. Most traits that we exhibit have a benefit and a purpose in our lives in one quarter but can be problematic in other arenas. Perfectionism is no different.
Whilst being a perfectionist would be highly adaptable when studying the detail of a document, arranging a bouquet or organising an event, when this spills over into being hard upon oneself, it can push the individual too far. Compassion must start with the self — being kind to yourself. It is all too common that people are self-critical, either overtly or more frequently via the inner dialogue. Continually telling yourself that you are not good enough or that you will never achieve is the exact opposite of believing in yourself. If there is one characteristic that is vital in overcoming pain, it is the belief that you can do it.
The sense of never being quite good enough is a safety mechanism of sorts. On the flip side it may drive the individual to practice or work harder, and this is acceptable if it does not cause angst and on-going stress that is incongruent with health and a feeling of wellness. Chronic stress is a significant issue in the modern world, having a huge role in many of the common problems that we see today — e.g. functional pain syndromes such as IBS, headache, migraine, functional abdominal complaints. Chronic stress causes the body to set itself in an inflammatory state, and there is a constant preparedness for action to fight or run away from a wild animal. Except there is no wild animal, just our thoughts and interpretations. These we can learn to observe rather than become embroiled within with techniques such as mindfulness.
Perfectionism is a strength that we can foster as part of the programme of overcoming pain. I base my treatment and training programmes upon your strengths as these are what we use in life to succeed, and succeed you will by nurturing these within an action plan that takes you back to a meaningful life. It is easy to say don’t be too hard on yourself, yet difficult to master. But it is possible to harness the strength of perfectionism and use it to overcome your pain.
For information about the Pain Coach Programme to overcome chronic pain, call 07518 445493. The Pain Coach Programme is also a learning programme for clinicians who want to develop their skills, either 1:1 mentoring or in small groups. Call us for details or email [email protected]